As cops discipline those that break the rules. So must you.
This is the second post in the Four Stages of Parenting Series.
I feel like my job of caregiver is certainly not over it has just not as demanding. My son has moved from needing me constantly for everything to needing my for certain things. He is a pretty independent guy for a two-year old.
Now I find myself being less and less of a constant caregiver and more of a cop that is constantly on patrol. Like I am anticipating the law of our house is going to be broken. I feel like I am having to discipline all of the time. You see my son is now well into his two’s. Yes the terrible two’s are real…at least at my house. My son is always trying to push the limits.
Case in point:
The other day I told him not to touch something.
So he looks at me with those cunning little eyes and take his one little finger and eases it towards the object. Hovering right above it.
I say to him’ “you better not.”
He proceeds to tap it and starts running.
Needless to say my son got punished for disobeying.
Did he harm what he touched? No.
That is not the point. The point was my son knowingly disobeyed me, and disobeying a parent is totally unacceptable at the Tucker house.
With that being said I feel that it is so very important to have a set of laws and rules your children should know. At an early age we have tried to instill in our son what is wrong and right.
With the rules and laws of your house understood it is your job as the parent / cop to monitor the happening and patrol the house to make sure all rules are being obeyed. If laws or rules are broken you as a parent must enforce some sort of discipline. Whether it be time outs, a talking to, or a spanking. Like in law enforcement if punishments are seldom enforced the laws will continue to be broken and your authority as a parent will be undermined.
This is a stage that will continue for many years and as your child ages so will the importance of the understanding of the rules and laws that you taught and enforced when they were younger.
The disciplining that comes with parenting is never fun, but necessary. Whether you spank, use time out, lectures, or grounding you have to stick with it and know that the lesson they learn from the discipline will live with them (hopefully) the rest of their lives.
In closing I would like to share a couple of verses I really like, and that I think fit well with this stage:
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
How are you at being a cop? Are you consistent with your disciplining ?
Do you spank? Use time-out? Ground? All the above?
Dustin (114)
Bill (cycleguy) (106)
Brandon (106)
ThatGuyKC (95)
Michael (92)
Moe (70)
seekingpastor (57)
Ben (56)
Steven (46)
Sean Sabourin (44)
I’m not a cop. I’m the father of this House. My word is law and my judgments are swift and appropriate.
My two year old daughter fears me, but is not scared of me. In other words, she doesn’t flinch or cower when I go to hug her or play tickle games with her. However, when she is fussing about and I say her name as only I can, she stops what she is doing and gives me her full attention.
In discipline, I tell her why I am disciplining her and then I carry out my punishment. Once it is done, I tell her why I did what I did based on her disobedience and that now there is no issue between us, and all is forgiven. (Love holds no record of wrongs, indeed) I tell her I love her and I hug her close. My daughter does not cry and cry and cry. She understands my heart and once punishment is done, there is no going back to it. It is over.
I strive to pattern myself directly after the Fatherhood of God on us so my daughters will understand who He is to me, and who I am to them.
It is working swimmingly well, and the Lord is indeed blessing this.
Consistency is key, of course. Just like our Father is with us.
Well said Donald. Sounds like you are doing a great job man!
My kids push the limits too.
I really like Prov 22:6 – it scares me though! There is a lot of responsibility.
We use time-outs mostly and spankings when it fits the crime. The main thing I focus on is winning their hearts back after the discipline.
The main thing I focus on is winning their hearts back after the discipline.
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That’s really good, Ryan. That is the Father’s heart.
I have to agree. So true. Well out Ryan!
I’m not real great at being the cop, and I’m not nearly as consistent as I should be at times. My wife does a much better job in this department. We used a small dowel for a few years for spanking (thanks to the teaching of Ted Tripp – Shepherding A Child’s Heart). As the kids became older, it was obvious that this was no longer working, so we’ve moved more to “punishment that fits the crime.” Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel (from Facts of Life) has been an excellent resource to get us thinking along these lines.
Thanks for the resources Jon.
My wife is the reason I am as consistent as I am.
Thanks for mentioning the two books. I heard about both awhile back – and then, promptly forgot about them.
Like your small dowel, we have used a wooden spoon. It has helped to decrease confusion between a hand that spanks and a hand that loves.
Steven we use the wooden spoon as well. My wife carries a small one in purse for when we are out. All she has to do is show it to him now and he straightens up pretty quick.
I have just begun to think about some of these disciplinary things… My wife & I still have another 5months to work it all out before our baby is here though!
A quick fathering tip for ya, Dustin:
The more rules you have to create, the less authority you really have.
5 months will fly by! You’ll be holding that baby in no time!
Yes the time does fly by for sure!
The main thing that we are working on right now is just being consistent with it. Not letting them get away with it one time and them punish them for it another.
I don’t have any kids, so I can’t really answer your questions. I have a bird and he’s a little bit of a brat. To overcome this I’ve been putting him in situations he doesn’t like to be in. When I first got him, he never wanted to leave his cage so once a day or so I would take him out of his cage and put him in the study with me while I worked. After awhile, he’s become more comfortable on my hand and loves being in the office.
It’s not the same at all, but it’s teaching me things about life and discipline. I’m excited for the day God gives me children. I pray I do well =D
Nice. I am sure you will do fine It is an adventure though and every day brings about something new…
Great stuff, Adam. I feel like parents today are either too scared or too lazy to discipline their kids. I agree that consistency is key.
We don’t spanking as much as when I was a kid, but corporal punishment is applied when asked for. I highly recommend the Love & Logic series for parents. Helped us a lot during the terrible twos.
Thanks for sharing the resource will have to check it out.
There is some sort of excitement that lives inside of us for the forbidden. Our children get a “rush” out of testing us, their parents. We are no different. We know what our Father says and often, the rush of temptation and sin, thrills us and next thing you know, we are wrapped up in mud.
I discipline my children and when necessary spank them. I haven’t done that in a while since they are pretty well behaved lately. But they know Abba means business.
So true Moe. Thanks for sharing.
Yes…I am definitely in the ‘cop’ stage with kids ages 2, 7 & 9! Every day seems to bring new adventures.
We use a variety of disciplinary methods (including spanking, positive rewards, etc.) as appropriate for the situation. Consistency is definitely a key.
We have an additional challenge, though, with an Aspberger’s kid. Discipline that works for our other children does not always work for this child – it can actually make things worse at times. This puts us into a constant learning mode for how the teach, discipline and disciple our kids.
Thanks for sharing Steven.
Our oldest (3.5) is in this stage where we are trying to emphasize the “Listen and obey” command.
My kids are well behaved (especially in public), but sometimes at home, they’ll have their moments. Hehe.
Our two year old has a very, very short attention span and we are trying to get him better at behaving while out in public.